update

 

Caught sight of myself in the mirror this morning. Because I have been feeling the cold so much this winter, I’m usually wearing plenty of layers: thermal T-shirt, jumper, fleece, and maybe a dressing gown too. We have only a small shaving mirror in the bathroom. I’d noticed how my face was changing: skin sunken, bone more prominent, neck loose. An uncharacteristic pallor, more recently replaced by a distinct yellow tinge as jaundice is evidently setting in. I had been aware of my weight loss, in terms of numbers, from the bathroom scales. But then, unexpectedly, this morning, shirtless, in the larger mirror upstairs. Jesus! I’m an absolute fucking skeleton! I was profoundly shocked by the sight of myself. Ambushed. Like something out of The Walking Dead, is the most apt allusion I can draw. Things are really getting serious now. My decline has been so swift. Right up until Christmas, I was still a working gardener, even if I had slowed down considerably. But I was still active, able to do things, walk the dog, run errands. Now, I can’t remember when I last went out of the house, even into the garden. So much for being an outdoors guy, eh? Everything is going. Everything. Not even sure I’ll make as far as our son’s 21st birthday at the end of next month, to be honest.